Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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