I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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