You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
