Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
