i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
