You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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