I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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