Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
