Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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