Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
