i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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