On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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