? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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