what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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