I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
