paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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