gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
