can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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