just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
