kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
