if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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