There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
