i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
