i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
