I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
