I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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