...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
