MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
