I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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