so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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