I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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