You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
