No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
