sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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