you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
