and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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