she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
