I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
