More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
