Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
