but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
