Your face is a jimmy john
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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