I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
