there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
