She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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