Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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