i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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