A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Even my vagina gasped.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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