I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
