3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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