sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
