At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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