The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
